The Marginalian
The Marginalian

Beyond Either/Or: Kierkegaard on the Passion for Possibility and the Key to Resetting Relationships

Some of the most difficult moments in life are moments of having to choose between two paths leading in opposite directions — to tell or not to tell, to leap or not to leap, to leave of not to leave — each rife with losses (even if they are necessary losses) the pain of which you will feel acutely and with gains which you are constitutionally unable to imagine.

You could do it rationally, applying Benjamin Franklin’s framework of weighing the pros and cons. You could do it emotionally, polling the people you trust, despite the fact you alone know what is best for you since you alone know what it’s like to be you. You could concede the futility of free will and flip a coin. Still, that bifurcation of the soul remains because life, in all its irreducible complexity, is not something you can optimize the way you optimize a route for minimal traffic or maximal scenery. What makes those moments so difficult is the knowledge that there will never be a way of testing where the other path would have led — you only have the one life, lived.

But perhaps there is a third way — one based not on renunciation, which is at the heart of all binary choices, but of integration, which is the pulse-beat of possibility. A way to stop trudging the ground of forking paths and lift off into the sky of the possible.

Art by Marc Martin from We Are Starlings

That is what the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (May 5, 1813–November 11, 1855) explores in his 1843 masterwork Either/Or (public library). Long before Alan Watts admonished against the trap of thinking in terms of gain and loss, before George Saunders offered his lovely lens for living an unregretting life, Kierkegaard writes:

If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you marry or if you do not marry, you will regret both; whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret both. Laugh at the world’s follies, you will regret it; weep over them, you will also regret it; if you laugh at the world’s follies or if you weep over them, you will regret both; whether you laugh at the world’s follies or you weep over them, you will regret both. Believe a girl, you will regret it; if you do not believe her, you will also regret it; if you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both; whether you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both. If you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; if you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both; whether you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This… is the sum of all practical wisdom.

[…]

Many people think [they are in the mode of eternity] when, having done the one or the other, they combine or mediate these opposites. But this is a misunderstanding, for the true eternity lies not behind either/or but ahead of it.

Kierkegaard considers the frame of mind necessary for living beyond either/or:

Were I to wish for anything I would not wish for wealth and power, but for the passion of the possible, that eye which everywhere, ever young, ever burning, sees possibility.

In no region of life is this passion for possibility more vital than in our closest relationships, which at their strongest and most nourishing must transcend the either/or confines of labels and categories, but must retain deep friendship at the core. There are times in life when an important relationship collides with the confines of practical reality and must shape-shift in order to survive — a collision that can be incredibly painful yet incredibly fertile in the change it precipitates within both persons involved and in the third person that is the dynamic between them.

Illustration by Maurice Sendak from a vintage ode to friendship by Janice May Udry

A century before Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote so beautifully about embracing the mutability of intimate relationships, Kierkegaard considers what it takes to let a relationship change organically in order to feed the soul in a new way:

The same relationship can acquire significance again in another way… The experienced farmer now and then lets his land lie fallow; the theory of social prudence recommends the same. All things, no doubt, will return, but in another way; what has once been taken into rotation remains there but is varied through the mode of cultivation.

What a way to remember that everything is eventually recompensed, every effort of the heart eventually requited, though not always in the form you imagined or hoped for.

BP

An Almanac of Birds: Divinations for Uncertain Days

I have found that the surest way of seeing the wondrous in something ordinary, something previously underappreciated, is coming to love someone who loves it. As we enter each other’s worlds in love — whatever its shape or species — we double our way of seeing, broaden our way of being, magnify our sense of wonder, and wonder is our best means of loving the world more deeply.

When the wonder of birds entered my world, I came awake to the notation of starlings on the street wires, to the house wrens bathing in the dusty parking lot, to the robin serenading dawn in its clear and lovely voice, each trill as perfect as a Bach measure. One rainy afternoon, I watched two night herons sleep and wondered whether they were dreaming, went down a rabbit hole of research, wrote a The New York Times piece about how the evolution of REM in the avian brain shaped our human dreams.

Yellow-crowned night heron / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Birds began populating my own dreams. A great blue heron glided across the sky of my mind, slow and prehistoric, carrying the world on her back. A million sandhill cranes unspooled from the horizon, turned into the Milky Way, turned into music, turned into time itself. A magpie spoke to me in my mother’s voice.

Around the same time, I was discovering that multiple people I love and respect were fond of tarot — something I had always regarded as an embarrassing echo of medieval superstition, antiscientific and intellectually unsound, devised in a world where Satan was more real to the average person than gravity. But as I replaced contempt with curiosity, I came to see it simply as a coping mechanism for the difficulty of living with all this uncertainty, the difficulty of being so opaque to ourselves — a language for interpreting our intentions and experiences, the way the primary purpose of prayer is to clarify our hopes and fears.

I am not impervious to such practices myself — each year on my birthday, I perform a “Whitman divination”: I conjure up the most restless question on my mind, open Leaves of Grass with my eyes closed, and let my blind finger fall on a verse; without fail, Whitman opens some profound side door to my question that becomes its own answer, one inaccessible to the analytical mind.

In that strange combinatorial way the creative impulse has of collaging existing inspirations and passions into something entirely new, I awoke one day with the surprising idea of creating my own card deck of divinations from the birds — forty decks of forty cards each, to give away to forty people I love for my fortieth birthday.

I turned to my favorite nineteenth-century ornithological books, digitized by the wonderful Biodiversity Heritage Library — the many volumes of John James Audubon’s Birds of America, illustrated by Audubon himself, and John Gould’s Birds of Europe and Birds of Australia, illustrated by his gifted wife Elizabeth and by Edward Lear, who helped cultivate Elizabeth’s talent; a couple of volumes of Henry Leonard Meyer’s Colored Illustrations of British Birds and Their Eggs; and the ornithological portions of Darwin’s Voyage of the Beagle, the specimens from which Elizabeth Gould illustrated.

Pages from John James Audubon’s description of the great blue heron in his Birds of America

Each night before going to sleep, I would let a painted bird call out to me from the yellowed pages, then read the ornithological description of the species, taking down a handful of words and phrases speaking to something on my mind that day. Then, with the slanted reckoning of REM, the unconscious would do its mysterious work in night. Upon waking, I would reread the ornithological text and a kind of message would come to enflesh the skeleton of the noted words — a divination from the bird, partway between koan and poem. I would spend the rest of the day cutting the words and rearranging them onto the illustration, correcting only lightly for the corruptions of the centuries, but mostly embracing the blurry and uneven scans, the stains and smudges, the faded colors — embracing the price of time.

The words of long dead writers rose from the yellowed pages to transform into the voice of my own unconscious, speaking its secret knowledge — about love and friendship, about uncertainty and possibility, about fear and resistance and the capacity for change. The divinations were telling me what I needed to hear. (A part of us always knows what we need to hear and can always tell us where we need to go. The great challenge of life is not to silence that voice with fear or with hope, with indifference or compulsion or the tyranny of should.)

I started with the great blue heron — the closest thing I have to a spirit animal.

Great blue heron / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Birds I already knew and loved called out to me first: the bowerbird, the nightingale, the osprey. Then I began discovering strange and wondrous creatures I had never seen: the fierce frigate, the tender linnet, the Dr. Seussian snake-bird.

I sorrowed for birds I would never see, like the extinct passenger pigeon and the ivory-billed woodpecker cusping on extinction.

I delighted in birds I had not seen since I left Bulgaria in my late teens, the same age Audubon was when he left his native France for America — birds like the white stork and the magpie.

Passenger pigeon / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Snake-bird / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Peregrine falcon / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Scarlet tanager / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Frigate pelican / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Common crane / Lear. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Dwarf thrush / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Each bird surprised me with the divination it brought. I didn’t feel like I was writing these — they were writing me.

A kind of almanac was emerging — guidance for uncertain days.

Flamingo / Lear. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Swallow-tailed kite / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Whooping crane / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Vinous grossbeak / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

I made a divination a day, in a state of what Octavia Butler called “a sweet and powerful positive obsession.” When I had forty, I sent them off to the printer to make the forty decks.

The finished card deck

But I couldn’t stop.

The practice had become a metronome of my days.

The birds kept coming, kept speaking.

Cardinal / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Blue bird / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Snowy owl / Lear. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Azure magpie / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Then, at the eleventh hour of my thirties, life dealt a great difficulty.

The daily divinations became an unexpected consolation, helped compost the suffering into fertile ground for growth, held up mirrors I needed to look at. (Anything you polish with attention will become a mirror.)

White stork / Lear. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Pine finch / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Chestnut-sided wood warbler / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Boat-tailed grackle / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Double-crested cormorant / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
White-winged cross bill / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Worm-eating warbler / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

At the time of this writing, I have more than 80 divinations. Someday, they may become a public deck, or a book. For now, gathered here are some of my favorites, available as prints and stationery cards benefitting the Audubon Society in gratitude for their noble conservation work and for John James’s beautiful birds — but, even more so, for his beautiful words: While I find Elizabeth Gould the superior artist, her husband’s writing is spare and sterile — no more than a page per bird, sometimes just a paragraph, destitute of adjectives and imaginative words; Audubon, on the other hand, was a passionate and lyrical writer, despite the fact that English was not his native language.

John James Audubon was the 18-year-old illegitimate son of a French plantation owner when he arrived in America in the first years of the nineteenth century with a fake passport, fleeing conscription in Napoleon’s army. The love of birds that had buoyed him through a difficult childhood now became his primary obsession. He set out “to complete a collection not only valuable to the scientific class, but pleasing to every person” — the first comprehensive guide to the continent’s birds, many of them never before described. He later recounted:

Prompted by an innate desire to acquire a thorough knowledge of the birds of this happy country, I formed the resolution, immediately on my landing, to spend, if not all my time in that study, at least all that portion generally called leisure, and to draw each individual of its natural size and coloring.

The minimal lessons in portraiture he had received as a boy in France had taught him nothing about drawing nature. So he decided to teach himself. “My pencil gave birth to a family of cripples,” he winced at his first attempts. “So maimed were most of them that they resembled the mangled corpses on a field of battle compared with the integrity of living men.” To improve his skills, he made an annual ritual of burning entire batches of drawings, resolving to redo those birds in the coming year. “After a few years of patience,” he wrote, “some of my attempts began almost to please me and I have continued the same style ever since.”

He fell in love with an American girl born in England who made him at home in the new language, so that he could describe the birds he was drawing. He become increasingly lyrical in his writing. He changed his name — he was born Jean-Jacques Rabin — to sound American. He would soon be naming American birds new to the ornithological literature. (When he came upon an unusually small three-toed woodpecker never before described, Audubon named it Maria’s Woodpecker, after his friend Maria Martin — the botanical artist who drew most of the trees, flowers, and reeds on which his birds perch.)

Maria’s woodpecker / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Over the next three decades of his life, Audubon went on to paint and write about 435 birds, including several now extinct. He lavishes each bird with multiple pages of detailed description and anecdotes from his personal encounters, using vocabulary so beautiful that working with it felt like a cheat. I savored his unselfconscious use of words like “astonishment” and “bewildered” in the middle of ornithological description, rued that such lovely words as “betake” and “depredation” have fallen out of fashion since his time, delighted in seeing “ossified” — one of my favorite words, which I learned from Emily Dickinson’s love letters to Sue — recur so frequently in the context of avian anatomy, delighted in using it in an entirely different context.

Common tern / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Wandering rice-bird (bobolink) / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Linnet / Meyer (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

Beyond its spiritual rewards, beyond its quiet consolation, this daily practice became a tremendous source of creative vitality — a mighty antidote to the burnout I had started to feel nearly two decades into my primary writing practice. I know no greater catalyst of creativity — in art or in life — than constraint. It is the boundaries, chosen or imposed, that give shape to our lives; it is within them that we become truly creative about the kind of life we want to live. Without the constraint of bones, there would be no wings.

Brown pelican / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Toupet tit / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Wood ibis / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Golden oriole / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Kingfisher / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Prothonotary swamp warbler / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Raven / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Penduline tit / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Merlin / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Red-billed blue magpie / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Snow bird / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Wood pigeon / Lear. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Spoonbill / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
White-headed pigeon / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Blackbird / Gould. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
Golden-winged woodpecker / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)

And what of the very notion of divination?

I don’t believe in signs — I don’t believe that this immense impartial universe concerns itself with the fate of any one of us motes of stardust, that it is giving us personalized clues as to how to live our tiny transient lives. But I do believe in omens. Omens are the conversation between consciousness and reality, between the self and the unconscious. We make our own omens by the meaning we confer upon chance events, and it is the making of meaning that makes us human, that makes us capable of holding something as austere and total as the universe, as time, as love without breaking.

Ivory-billed woodpecker / Audubon. (Available as a print and as stationery cards, benefitting the Audubon Society.)
BP

Is Your Life a Fairy Tale, a Novel, or a Poem?

When reality fissures along the fault line of our expectations and the unwelcome happens — a death, an abandonment, a promise broken, a kindness withheld — we tend to cope in one of two ways: We question our own sanity, assuming the outside world coherent and our response a form of madness; or we assume ourselves sane and accuse the external — the other person, the situation, the world — of madness. Both are stories we tell ourselves about what is true, how things are, and how things should be. Like all storytelling, both are works of the imagination.

It always takes imagination to understand what is real, for in the human sphere reality is a collaborative condition. It takes imagination to understand what it is like to be anybody else, what the other’s reality might be in the situation we share, and it takes imagination to consider what may live in our blind spots.

Art by Arthur Rackham for a rare 1917 edition of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. (Available as a print.)

G.K. Chesterton (May 29, 1874–June 14, 1936), who thought deeply and originally about the meaning of life, frames these two storytelling responses to reality and the problem of sanity as the fairy tale and the novel. In a fragment from his essay collection Tremendous Trifles (public library | free ebook), he writes:

Folk-lore means that the soul is sane, but that the universe is wild and full of marvels. Realism means that the world is dull and full of routine, but that the soul is sick and screaming. The problem of the fairy tale is — what will a healthy man do with a fantastic world? The problem of the modern novel is — what will a madman do with a dull world? In the fairy tales the cosmos goes mad; but the hero does not go mad. In the modern novels the hero is mad before the book begins, and suffers from the harsh steadiness and cruel sanity of the cosmos.

But while it always takes imagination to understand what is real, it also takes imagination to see beyond the models of reality handed down to us by the world as we know it. (“Everything is in an attitude of mind,” Chesterton conceded.) Perhaps there is a third way beyond this dualism, one that recognizes consciousness as something beyond sanity and madness, one in which being a hero of one’s own life is not a battle between reality and sanity, between self and other, but a matter of peaceful accord with the cosmos, a cosmos capable of consciousness.

Perhaps that is the way of the poem. Perhaps the best way to face reality — especially when it betrays our hopes and expectations — is by being a living poem. “Re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul,” Whitman wrote in his timeless advice on living a vibrant and rewarding life, “and your very flesh shall be a great poem.” A poem is not a captive of narrative, has no need for resolution, is not a message but an opening. A poem makes its own meaning.

One of English artist Margaret C. Cook’s illustrations for a stunning 1913 edition of Leaves of Grass. (Available as a print.)

Complement with Nobel-winning poet Wisława Szymborska on fairy tales and the necessity of fear, then revisit Lucille Clifton on how to be a living poem.

BP

Leonard Cohen on the Antidote to Anger and the Meaning of Resistance

Leonard Cohen on the Antidote to Anger and the Meaning of Resistance

One of the commonest and most corrosive human reflexes is to react to helplessness with anger. We do it in our personal lives and we do it in our political lives.

We are living through a time of uncommon helplessness and uncertainty, touching every aspect of our lives, and in such times another reflex is the longing for an authority figure selling certainty, claiming the fist to be a helping hand. It is a touchingly human impulse, primal and pacifying — children turn to the parent to remove the overwhelm and uncertainty of a world they don’t yet understand and cannot carry. It is also a dangerous impulse, for it pulsates beneath every war and every reign of terror in the history of the world.

Leonard Cohen (September 21, 1934–November 7, 2016), who thought deeply and passionately about the cracks in democracy and its redemptions, shines a sidewise gleam on this eternal challenge of the human spirit in a couple of pieces found in his Book of Longing (public library) — the collection of poems, drawings, and prose meditations composed over the course of the five years he spent living in a Zen monastery.

Leonard Cohen (courtesy of Leonard Cohen Family Trust)

In a timeless passage that now reads prophetic, he writes:

We are moving into a period of bewilderment, a curious moment in which people find light in the midst of despair, and vertigo at the summit of their hopes. It is a religious moment also, and here is the danger. People will want to obey the voice of Authority, and many strange constructs of just what Authority is will arise in every mind… The public yearning for Order will invite many stubborn uncompromising persons to impose it. The sadness of the zoo will fall upon society.

In such periods, he goes on to intimate, love — that most intimate and inward of human labors, that supreme instrument for magnifying the light between us and lighting up the world — is an act of courage and resistance.

Cohen takes up the subject of what resistance really means in another piece from the book — a poem titled “SOS 1995,” that is really an anthem for all times, a lifeline for all periods of helplessness and uncertainty, personal or political, and a cautionary parable about the theater of authority, about the price of giving oneself over to its false comfort. He writes:

Take a long time with your anger,
sleepyhead.
Don’t waste it in riots.
Don’t tangle it with ideas.
The Devil won’t let me speak,
will only let me hint
that you are a slave,
your misery a deliberate policy
of those in whose thrall you suffer,
and who are sustained
by your misfortune.
The atrocities over there,
the interior paralysis over here —
Pleased with the better deal?
You are clamped down.
You are being bred for pain.
The Devil ties my tongue.
I’m speaking to you,
“friend of my scribbled life.”
You have been conquered by those
who know how to conquer invincibly.
The curtains move so beautifully,
lace curtains of some
sweet old intrigue:
the Devil tempting me
to turn away from alarming you.

So I must say it quickly:
Whoever is in your life,
those who harm you,
those who help you;
those whom you know
and those whom you do not know —
let them off the hook,
help them off the hook.
You are listening to Radio Resistance.

Complement with Thich Nhat Hanh’s poetic antidote to anger and Erich Fromm’s psychological antidote to helplessness and disorientation, then revisit Leonard Cohen on the constitution of the inner country and what makes a saint.

BP

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